Interpersonal Gap (Wallen)

• Refers to the degree of congruence between one person’s intentions and the effect produced in the other
• An “Interpersonal Gap” contains two transformations (private coding) of intention
  • I know mine and must infer yours.
  • You know your own, but must infer mine.
• We may describe the other’s effect by openly stating what feelings are aroused by their actions.cf.: Awareness Wheel
• More often than not, we are unaware of our feelings as feelings.When this happens our feelings influence how we see the other and we label
  them or their actions in a way that express our feeling.  We do this even though we are unaware of
  our feelings or the influence they are having on us at the time.cf.: Meaning Making

Interpersonal Communication Skills

• • Use “I” Statements:
    • Lead with yourself
    • Own your own experience
    • Reinforce the fact that you create your own internal experience
    • Making references to things outside of yourself — “the external” — creates distance.
• • Feeling Description: Report your inner state & internal
    feelings; expressed emotions have “fat” interpretations; described
    emotions have “skinny” interpretations.
    cf.: The Skilled Facilitator
• • Behavior Description: Describe as seen from a video camera; report specific, observable actions without evaluation or ascribing meaning
    cf.: Feedback
• Perception Check: This is my guess, am I accurate? Describe another’s feelings by transforming the experience into a statement