- Refers to the degree of congruence between one person’s intentions and the effect produced in the other
- An “Interpersonal Gap” contains two transformations (private coding) of intention
- I know mine and must infer yours.
- You know your own, but must infer mine.
- We may describe the other’s effect by openly stating what feelings are aroused by their actions.cf.: Awareness Wheel
- More often than not, we are unaware of our feelings as feelings.When this happens our feelings influence how we see the other and we label
them or their actions in a way that express our feeling. We do this even though we are unaware of
our feelings or the influence they are having on us at the time.cf.: Meaning Making
Interpersonal Communication Skills
- Use “I” Statements:
- Lead with yourself
- Own your own experience
- Reinforce the fact that you create your own internal experience
- Making references to things outside of yourself — “the external” — creates distance.
- Feeling Description: Report your inner state & internal
feelings; expressed emotions have “fat” interpretations; described
emotions have “skinny” interpretations.
cf.: The Skilled Facilitator
- Behavior Description: Describe as seen from a video camera; report specific, observable actions without evaluation or ascribing meaning
- Perception Check: This is my guess, am I accurate? Describe another’s feelings by transforming the experience into a statement